Many in society today believe that
gender difference is socially constructed.
I didn’t know what I believed when I first started my family 40 years
ago but I will tell a story of what I did do and witness and how I came to know
what I know today.
My oldest is a girl, the next three
are boys. When I brought home the second
child, the boy, I also brought home a gift of a doll for the girl. When I needed to rock or feed the baby I
would tell my oldest to run and get her baby doll so she could feed and rock it
with me. It really helped in keeping her
from being jealous of the new comer.
When my third child was born, another boy, I brought home a doll for the
second boy. My husband did not like the
idea. “You will turn him into a girl.” (Remember I am old, so this is in the
olden days). When I would feed the third child I would tell the second child to
run and get his baby so he could rock it with me. Again it helped in the whole jealous thing. Well, the second child did not turn into a girl;
instead he did turn into an incredible father.
My children grew up with toys from both genders. They were free to
choose what they wanted to play with.
When my daughter got her baby doll to rock and feed with me she would
feed that doll for hours. Now my son was
different, he would feed it for a minute tops, throw it, literally, off to the
side and grab his match box cars to play with. His baby doll was thrown into
the air, put into the back of dump trucks and dumped out, or became a plane
that whirled into the air.
As I watched my 5 children play
they would gravitate naturally to toys that matched their gender. Oh, there were occasions when they would play
house and the boys would be the dad’s and the girls the moms and the boys would
go to work, then come home and help take care of the baby (dolls) but generally
my girls loved ‘girl’ toys and my boys loved ‘boy’ toys.
Watching
my children play bears testimony to the eternal truths of the gospel. The world
began with God making Adam then Eve in his own image. Genesis 1:27 “So
God created man in his own image, in the
image of God created he him; male and female created
he them.” Next they were commanded to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” Genesis
1:28 Adam could not bear children, only Eve could, but on the same token Eve
could not become with child unless she knew Adam. From the very beginning of life on this earth
each had their own roles. From the
beginning men and women were created different but equal and the difference is
a wonderful compliment to each other.
We learn
in the gospel that our spirits were male or female; each having critical
purposes in fulfilling the Father’s great plan of happiness. Sis Naudald said
“Every girl was feminine and female in spirit long before her mortal birth.” In
the Family Proclamation it says; “All human beings – male and female – are created
in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly
parents and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an
essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identify
and purpose.
Latter
day revelation emphasizes our roles again: “By divine design, fathers are to
preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to
provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are
primarily responsible for the nurture of their children in these sacred
responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as
equal partners.” Divine design means our
Heavenly Father’s design. Our gender identity, our differences in attitudes,
behaviors, personality, and nature are eternal and by the design of God and not
creations of our culture.
Can
culture shape us some? Of course it can.
I am the oldest of ten with the 4 girls being first in line and the 6
boys being last. I was six when my mother had her 5th child. My dad had to quickly add on to our home, in
several phases. The first phase, no boys to help; he made us girls stir cement
and pull electrical wire. We wined and we cried, we told him it was a boy’s job
and we wanted to go and play with our dolls.
Dad told us we had two arms and two hands just like a boys so get to
work and quit whining. I learned as a
child the basics of wiring, roofing, and adding on to a home. I learned that
women can do those things when needed. Did my cultural upbringing cause me to
forget my divine destiny? No. Today I
understand my divine role and have taken it seriously. When it came between mine or my husband’s
education it was more important for my husband to finish. We saw the big
picture and it was a mutual decision. I
knew it was the right decision for us. He was to be the provider for the home;
he was the one who needed a good career. From the time we had children I stayed
home and took care of the kids and the home. When we both did our duties it was
a perfect balance.
Now – with that said, because of my
cultural background I have not been a woman to wait for my husband to come home
and fix the electricity. Actually,
generally we fix those things together.
I helped roof our house, I wired our new addition and now that we don’t
have kids in the house I sometimes mow.
Would I rather bake or roof, hmmmm I would rather bake but I also
greatly enjoy being a help meet to my husband, working side by side with him on
projects. Recently I enjoyed laying the
wood floor in our back bedrooms. It gave me a change of pace and a feeling of
accomplishment. My cultural background gave that to me. Knowing how to do those
things did not take away from my divine destiny, my purpose in life, being the
nurturer in the home, it just gave me depth.
Heavenly father is wise and knows
what he is doing. If we can gain a testimony of the divine roles of man and
woman, our gender identity, a testimony that we are equal, and a testimony of
our purpose in our life then we can stand strong against Satan, the very being
who would like to destroy our Heavenly Father’s plan by confusing man kind of
his gender and confusing us of our roles we have as Heavenly Father’s children.
I end with a quote from Russell M
Ballard: “When Satan truly wants to disrupt the work of the Lord, he attempts
to confuse gender and attacks God’s plan for his Spirit Children.” (”The Sacred
Responsibilities of Parenthood”. BYU Devotional, Aug 19, 2003)
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